Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
