If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
