Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
