If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
