the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
