Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
