Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
