And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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