Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
