so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
