He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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