I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
