Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
