i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
