how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
