sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
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