he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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