I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
