He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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