I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
