I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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