Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
