i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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