and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
