Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I understand Curling. That high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
