if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
