Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
