I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
