I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
