On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
