Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
