Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
