me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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