I heard we made out
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
