I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
