Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
