so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
