You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
