I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
