The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
