Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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