i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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