we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
