And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
