Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
