Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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