I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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