I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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