Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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