My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
