I'm lost and stupid without you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
