Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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